(do not!) look at the bright side
photo by: Scr47chy
When someone’s life isn’t exactly perfect, friends and family usually advise that person to look at the bright side of things, at what is positive.
When businesses fail, the managers who took them to the ground do the same thing; they look at the positive aspects of their failing businesses.
The two examples above share a huge error, an error that not only will make their subjects hit the ground faster, but will also take them there without anyone feeling the imminent danger.
“You’re heading towards hell, but can you see the bright side!?”
Every time someone advises you to look at what is good in your life, when your life is a mess or not going in the direction you want it to, you might want to slap that person. Call it a “wake up slap” and tell them to take it out on me (give them the link to this post).
One of the many things that most people don’t seem to realize is that clinging onto positives, while going in the wrong direction, encourages dreaming and inaction by creating superficial comfort in the subject’s mind.
Having to face a tough reality is a really scary and difficult task, but that is the one crucial thing to do when things aren’t going well. You want to wake up to reality and get motivated by that fear, to start changing things.
When something, anything, goes wrong, one needs to face the reality, take responsibility, and then engage in the required actions that are required to correct the errors. If your life, or business, is failing (or not going where you want it to), do not look at any of the positives of your current situation. That will make you comfortable with your current (wrong) direction and afraid to face the reality and change anything.
Looking at the positives is always dangerous if the general situation is not positive. To add a twist to one of Churchill’s famous quotes, if you’re going through hell, acknowledge that you’re going through hell and keep going; do not get caught by the scenery.
Positive thoughts in bad situations are nothing but extremely dangerous comforts. And you can verify the truth of this information by asking any successful businessman.
Another bad thing encouraged by the “look at the positives” attitude, is irresponsibility. Denying the bad nature of a situation and taking responsibility for it’s bad nature are two totally incompatible actions.
If you’re riding the wrong train, don’t get comfortable; jump out of it as fast as you can. Only make yourself comfortable when you’re riding the right one.
PS: Try not to listen to what you want to hear, but to what you are afraid to hear. It might not be pleasant at first, but it will take you over the moon someday.
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Excellent advice.
I think you are right. But it is important to distinguish between situations that you are actually able to change and situations you just have to accept. In a given situation I think you really have to ask yourself if it is possible to do anything to change things and if you really have the will and commitment to do so. If not, you should practice patience, look at the positive side of things and turn your attention to the problems you are have the power and will to do anything about.
Too many people waste too much time complaining about stuff that are just a fact of life.
Martin, to some degree, I have to admit that you are right.
The problem that I see is with focusing on the positive aspects of an unchangeable situation while working on changing what can be changed.
There is a contradiction in this phrase: “look at the positive side of things and turn your attention to the problems you are have the power and will to do anything about.”
First, we have “look at the positive” and then “turn your attention to the problems.”
As you may know, the human mind is capable of thinking only one thought at a time. In our case, that means one has the option of either going into the positive thoughts or looking at the reality and putting effort into change.
In your phrase, “look at the positive” is placed before “turn your attention to the problem,” resulting in a problem. One will stop at “look at the positive” and won’t pay attention to the problems too soon… the positive, even though it might be insignificant, is always more welcoming than the problem needing to be tackled.
Now, even if that was a pure accident (positive->problem), we still have an issue. When presented with two choices of action, one comfortable and the other uncomfortable, which one do you believe will be chosen first? Most people will choose the comfortable action - looking at the positive aspects of a situation that isn’t positive.
The way I see it, focusing on the positive is destructive if one does it on purpose.
When the good things/bad things balance is in favor of the good ones, no one will have to focus to see the positive; it will make its presence felt by its own power.
Our mind often plays a big part in the problems and frustrations we are facing in our daily lives. By this I mean that a problem does not solely lye in the external circumstances but also to a large degree in the way our mind perceives these. A person with a calm and positive mind are able to see things in their right perspective and are able to come up with constructive and rational solutions problems. Keeping a narrow focus on the problems will in the long run drain you from resources and let you miss out on all the good stuff going on in your life and you might as well miss out on golden opportunities related to areas of you life outside your focus.
I agree that the human mind are only able to think one thought at the time but we are able to have a lot of stuff within our attention span at the same time. This is a little like a computer running several programs at the same time, assigning a little slot of CPU time to each program when needed.
A lot of people do not live their lives to their full potential because a problem is worrying them. A problem at work can easily affect you relationship to family and friends and lead to new problems.
My point is that you need to have a calm and positive mind to get the best out of your life. To get that you must be able to control your mind and your focus. You also need to understand why things become a problem to you. Why is it e.g. a problem for some people when one of their good colleges gets promoted when you think you deserve it more? This is only a problem inside your head and to avoid problems like this you must have control over your mind and of course you can not let a problem like that take control of your life.
I understand and agree to your point, Martin. In the context you have used it, it makes perfect sense.
However, consider the following example. Let’s say that you have a failing business. And let’s say that the customer feedback is good and the location of your business is great… What use would it be to think about those positives while being aware that your business is failing? Positives, in that context, are nothing but cradles.
Of course, some of the positive aspects might serve as foundation for change and improvement, but that implies something different than positive thinking.
I strongly believe that by replacing positive thinking with responsibility, courage and action, one has much greater chances of success (with anything).
A calm and positive mind is better than a chaotic one. However, even better than a calm and positive mind is a disciplined and real (as in honest) one.
One thing that doesn’t seem to be understood by many is that there *is* something in between positive and negative thinking; it’s not a black and white scenario. And just because you call someone out on their slack, or are honest with yourself, does not make your state of mind negative.
With the danger of sounding slightly negative, I have to say that I would choose honesty over positiveness at any time. Merging the two would be even better, but because they tend to cancel each other out it is somehow dangerous to try and be both at the same time.
PS: “we are able to have a lot of stuff within our attention span at the same time” - having a lot of things in our attention spam is not only highly inefficient but also lowers our ability to really focus on one problem at a time (it may also lead to ADD).
I think the key point of this discussion is to make a distinction between a positive / negative state of mind and a positive / negative situation. I agree that it is very much about responsibility, courage and action. I also think this has to do with emotions. If you understand yourself and how your emotions arise from various ways of thinking, you should be able to decouple the way you think about a negative situation from your state of mind. That means you should be able to deal with the negative stuff in your life with a positive mind and without letting the problems affect all the good stuff in your life.
I think we are going slightly sideways with our discussion, into theory… let’s press the “reset” button, shall we?
To make my initial point clear, I’ll use a couple of examples.
1. Scenario: Bad overall situation with a few positives.
Actions: Looking at the positives and ignoring the overall state of the situation. => Being comforted by those positives, not realizing the gravity of the situation, not taking responsibility, not changing much (or anything at all).
Result: bad.
2. Scenario: Bad overall situation with few positives.
Actions: Ignoring the positives for the time being and taking responsibility for the gravity of the situation. => Taking action towards change; after the overall situation improves, the positives make their presence felt.
Result: good.
There’s nothing wrong with being positive if you’re not being so just to ignore the negative and find some comfort.
Oh, another thing which I just noticed is that we’re discussing different things, Martin. You were talking about being positive, while I was talking about something entirely different.
Not looking at the positive side of a situation does not imply negative thinking. One can be completely positive in doing so.