Most parents believe children spend too much time online. They credit the Internet with helping kids understand current events, express their creativity and connect with people with similar interests. But at the same time they are worried that the time spent online keeps their children from exercising, enjoying the outdoors or socializing in the “real” world.

But it’s not just the kids who are affected.

The Internet can be a valuable – and addictive - resource for education, fun, networking and research, but how much is too much? Why can’t some people stop? Do they need to stop? Is the cyberspace damaging offline social life and communication skills?

The answers to the above questions are both “bright and dark,” so to speak.

What makes the internet a potential danger for the psyche?

There is one psychological principle that is universally valid: the integration principle. In a nutshell, the integration principle means fitting together and balancing the various elements of the psyche to form a complete, harmonious whole.

A healthy psyche can be described using words that imply union, integration and wholeness – assimilation, insight, self actualization, while a faulty one is described with terms that connote division and fragmentation – repression, dissociation, splitting.

What does the integration principle have to do with the internet and the personality of an individual? Well, most of the damage that appears as a result of an internet “abuse” is because the individual has clearly separated his online life from his offline life. The two worlds, the cyberspace and the “real” world, are seen as two worlds apart. What terms can be used to describe the phenomena? Splitting and dissociation: terms that describe a faulty psyche. So if one spends so much time in two worlds that he sees as completely different, it’s not too hard to see why it is dangerous.

The clear dissociation between the two environments is the first thing that can turn the internet into a dangerous place.

Second is the compartmentalization of one’s interests and identifications. There are plenty of different groups and activities online and with each specializing in a particular topic or activity, people can easily join a handful of them. In the modern society we live in, we juggle dozens of different tasks, hobbies and social roles. Cyberspace provides places for us to perch all our identifications – places separate from each other, each with people who know little or nothing about our other perches. In the offline world all these identifications are overlapped and connected; our daily tasks, the people we engage, the groups we belong to: these things are known by many of our friends and neighbors.

However, this split between the offline living and the Cyberspace is not a bad thing in itself. Hanging out online can be a healthy means of setting aside the stresses of the face-to-face day, and the online groups with specialized interests offer the opportunity to focus on that particular aspect of your identity.

“Dissociation can be an efficient way to manage the complexities of one’s lifestyle and identity, especially when social roles are not easily compatible with each other. The president of the corporation may need to keep his participation in the “I Dream of Jeannie” newsgroup separate from his business life. In more precarious situations, an aspect of one’s identity is sensitive, vulnerable, or possibly harmful to oneself or others. It may be necessary to keep it guarded within a specific online or offline location until helpful conditions allow it to be emerge safely.” - John Suler, The Psychology of Cyberspace

Synergy

The integration of online and offline living is a generally a very good idea. Like commerce, integration creates synergy. It leads to development and prosperity. With integration, both sides of the trade are enriched by the exchange. If the goal of life is to “know thyself,” as Socrates suggested, then it must entail knowing how the various elements of thyself fit together to create that Big Self that is you.

Internet addiction

An interesting fact to know is that any kind of addiction entails an isolating and guarding of the compulsive activity against all other aspects of one’s life. Overcoming the addiction means releasing and mastering the needs and anxieties that have been locked into the habit, it means bringing the isolated self back to the mainstream of one’s identity.

The key to cure internet addiction and its side effects: integration.

Six steps to merge cyberspace with the offline world

1. Discuss offline life with online friends. Imaginative role playing and anonymous exchanges with people online can be perfectly fine activities, but if an individual wants to deepen and enrich his relationships with online companions, he should consider letting them know about his in-person life: family, friends, home, hobbies, work. This will create a much better sense of who he is in the minds of his online companions. They might even be able to give him some new insights into how his offline identity compares to how he presents himself online. Without knowing it, he might have dissociated some aspect of his cyberspace self from his in-person self; online companions can help him see that.
2. Discuss online life with offline friends. If an individual lets friends and family know about his online activities this may allow them to see parts of identity that he did not expressed in-person. They can offer insightful feedback on his lifestyle and companions. More, when communicating only with typed text, it’s easy to misread or even distort the personality and intentions of people who he meets. Offline friends and family can offer some perspective.
3. Meeting with online friends in person. As relationships evolve on the internet, people eventually want to talk on the phone and meet in person. A very healthy and natural progression that can deepen and strengthen a relationship. It also offers the chance to realize the misconceptions that may have developed online about one another.
4. Meeting with offline friends online. By encouraging friends, family and colleagues to connect with him in cyberspace, a person is opening a different channel of communication with them. He may discover something new about the interests and personality of his friends –and vice-versa.
5. Taking online behavior offline. On the internet, an individual may be experimenting with new ways to express himself, he may be developing new behaviors and aspects of his identity. If he introduces them into the offline word – into the lifestyle and relationships, he may better understand those behaviors and understand why he was unable to develop them in the face to face environment.
6. Taking offline behavior online. Translating an aspect of one’s identity from one realm to another often strengthens it. You are testing it, refining it, in a new environment. Cyberspace gives an individual the opportunity to try out his usual face to face behaviors and methods of self expression in new situations, with new people.

The caveat of integration

Porting issues from one environment to another can be helpful, even therapeutic, but there is also the danger that some aspects of a person’s identity may feel shameful and result in rejection from other people if taken in another realm.

The fix for the caveat…

… consists in understanding that a correct psychological integration involves self-understanding and personal growth, two things which involve working through the problematic aspects of one’s identity and not simply acting out on them.

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