In life, everyone has something to say, everyone has a point that is intended to get across to other people. But how many times have you tried to render a message and instead of people understanding what you were trying to say, they understood almost the opposite? How many times have you tried to talk to someone and they simply didn’t listen to you? How many times the person you were talking to had its mind someplace else? I’m certain that it happened to you quite a few times. It’s natural. But after those unsuccessful experiences have you asked yourself why that occurred? Did you find a satisfying solution to the problem?

In order to express a certain thought the way you want it to come across, you have to keep a few things in mind.

1. Learn to listen

Talking to people, spreading ideas and rendering messages are parts of the process of communication. What is communication? Communication is the exchange of information and messages between different organisms. So you see, it is an exchange of information, a two way street. You give some, you receive some. Killing off either of them means that you’re no longer in the process of communication and as a result your point can’t get across to the other person.

Listening well leads to better relationships with employees, vendors, strategic partners and clients. Surveys show that miscommunication has high costs, including lowered productivity, increased turnover and higher stress. Most people want to be heard but rarely make the effort to listen to others.

If you don’t listen, you simply can’t be heard.

But maybe you already knew that you have to listen, and simply didn’t know how to do it. Here are a few simple guidelines to help you develop your listening skills:

• Be present;
• Resist distractions;
• Don’t do more things at once. When you’re talking to someone, do just one thing: listen to the person with whom you’re speaking;
• Lean forward slightly, focus your eyes on the speakers face and try not to fidget or glance away too frequently. Doing this will demonstrate your full attention;
• Remember and follow the golden rule of communication: every person is important and deserves your attention;
• Keep a flexible mind to others’ ideas; let go of your need to be right, if only temporarily. The need to be right is part of the human ego, and in 90% of the situations encountered in life the ego isn’t doing you any good, on the contrary;
• If you disagree, don’t tune out;
• Don’t jump to early to conclusions, listen to the whole message;

2. Have something important and useful to communicate

Even if you have no difficulty in listening to others and getting others to listen to you, your messages aren’t guaranteed to be heard. You must have something useful to say, something of value. Blogs and websites provide useful lessons in this case.

Let’s take this blog as an example. The number of visitors is increasing each month, time spend on the page is also increasing and some visitors become regular readers. Why is that happening? The reason why that is happening is because people find valuable information here and then return for more. That wouldn’t happen if I were to start writing about my daily life or problems - things that don’t provide value.

If you want your voice to be heard, you should have something valuable to communicate. Failing to do so results in loss of interest in what you have to say over the long haul.

3. Nurture your voice

This doesn’t fully apply do the online world (most resources are text based) but in the “real” (offline) world your voice is a powerful ally.

Speak with conviction, do not rush, take breathing breaks and articulate the words as best as you can. Show no hesitation and even though it’s an oral presentation, don’t leave out the punctuation marks. A structured discussion is always easier to follow and using rhetorical questions helps the audience stay involved and immersed.

4. Keep it short, keep it focused

Unless you’re a speaker that is paid to deliver a two-hour long speech, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t keep your message short and focused. Time is a valuable commodity for everyone. Worldwide, colossal amounts of money are spent to create more time (just think about all the faster things that are researched), so why should you waste that precious recovered time by talking 30 minutes about something that doesn’t require more than 5?

A focused message it’s more memorable, it can be repeated more easily, it grabs attention and keeps it and in the end, you have a better chance of moving people from point “A” to point “B.”

Think about all the great quotes, are they uselessly long?

Share your message using as few words as possible.

5. Have a crystal-clear purpose

In both our business and personal lives, we hear about the importance of being goal-oriented. If you don’t have a target, you’ll screw it every time.

To make the most of your influence in communication, you need to have a clear purpose for your message. Do you want to help someone understand a task or do you want them to be more productive as they do it? Do you want someone to understand the features of your product, or do you want them to buy it? Do you want to convince your boss that you’re a valuable asset or do you wan to get a raise?

Since your purpose should be the straight-edge against which you measure what will work in your presentation, subtle differences in your purpose can make for big differences in the form and content of the message. Take the time to choose a clear, realistic purpose and use it to guide your communication.

6. Get to know who you’re talking to

You certainly know how important the audience is in deciding what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Explaining the value of a new satellite system is different if you are speaking to the finance department than if you are addressing the sales or marketing staff. The better you know your audience the easier it is for you to tailor your message. The more your message is tailored to your audience the more likely it is that you will get your point across.

7. Relax, focus more on the receiver

Don’t worry so much about what you want to say as about what you want the other person to hear and understand.

8. Don’t force it

If the point that you want to get across contradicts the beliefs of your audience, don’t force it on them. Psychological studies have shown that people don’t resist change but they resist being changed by others. More than that, Newton’s third law of motion states that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Unless you’re a fanatic preacher for some religion or something similar to that, there’s absolutely no need to force your message.

Listen to the differences let them explain their point (if that is what they want) and don’t judge them. If their belief is that the earth is flat, assume they have a good reason and leave them to it.

Independent Study

Studies have shown that we learn most by doing and experiencing things ourselves. Because of that, if you want to become better at communication I suggest you study the Communication Theory, Communication, the Rogerian Argument, and Metacommunicative Competence. These topics, plus other materials and topics related to them (you’ll see those once you start reading these).

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